weekly updates...

I'm trying to be better about writing...Not too sure how to go about that with the time schedule I have...Or there are many days that I just don't have anything to say...How sad is that?

Anyway, I did the hike on Saturday...it was good...took my mom and sister...I think they were surprised by the effort it took...We went to Mt. Democrat, and on that same range there is 3/4 other peaks that you could have hiked. I probably was up for it, but my mom was not so we did Democrat and then left. I was a little disappointed but it was for the better I've since found out...I ran 8 miles on Sunday and was fine...Started out running pretty fast for me but it felt good, then after mile 4 I slowed down. My legs were tired and the hills were hard on my tired legs. At the end I had crazy knee pain so I stayed off it for awhile (2 ish days). I ran at track last night...and the times were pretty good (7:51, 7:56 and 8:02 miles) but the knee was still sore...looks like I'm off the exercise wagon for a few days. You have no idea what that does for my mood!

On to more positive things...I picked the kids up for school yesterday and had to take Brooke to dance. She is relatively in her routine so there is no big deal there...Tyler gets in the car after we drop her off to go run some errands and the boy is exhausted...He slept forever...I only vaguely remember when Brooke started school how tired she was. Anyway he could have been down for the night but Lou decided he needed to wake him up to eat, which just means that it took awhile for him to go back to sleep. He is doing so good at school...and it made me feel good, the teacher stopped Louis in the hall to tell him how good Tyler has been, what a great helper he is etc etc. I love it when teachers appreciate parents efforts. And I love when you have fabulous teachers who care about the kids! 

So many things to blog about...

I've tried, I think, to use my blog as my journal...except a journal that I would be ok with anyone reading. However, I've discovered through the past couple of weeks I don't always have time for this...I love to go back and read stuff that I wrote a year ago and remember all that stuff...So I guess with my one post here I'll try to remember everything that has happened recently...

After running Georgetown and getting over my disappointing finish (I've finally decided that I was waiting for a miracle and in running miracles don't happen unless you train for them to happen) I took off the Tuesday track workout...ran on Wednesday but cut it short because of the nagging calf issue...did the gym thing on Tuesday and Wednesday and then I ran 4 miles on Saturday in the heat, which almost killed me. I hiked Mt. Bierstadt with some friends on Sunday (more on that later). I then did a repeat hill work out (Ward Road 4 times) on Monday, I did the gym thing Tuesday morning and then track work out (5 800's) Tuesday night and a short walk Wednesday morning...After all of that and no calf issue I feel like I'm back to really get down to business so that the Rock - n - Roll 1/2 is a positive outcome! I feel like the workouts are making me stronger and all the strain I've put on my body in the past week has not killed me. Looking ahead, I have the gym in the morning, hiking Mt. Lincoln on Saturday and 8 miles Sunday...With 6 weeks to go until Rock - n - Roll I have some ground to cover but I think I can do it...NO...I know I can do it...I'm thinking for a positive outcome I want to finish in a 2:00 - 2:05. It's not too far out of reach...and at Georgetown I ran with the 2:05 pace group until I hit the wall.

Hiking...I had it in my head that I wanted to hike a 14er last weekend and as it turned out some friends also had time...so after looking at all the 54 options of mountains we could do Mt. Bierstandt it was decided...mainly because it was close and not rated difficult (it is only the 2nd one I've hiked and the other 2 are newbies also). Anyway, we decided to meet at 6:00 at the parking lot and all drive to Georgetown together...I can't believe how full the parking lots were at 6 on a Sunday morning. Apparently we aren't the only demented ones out there. So we found the trail fairly easily...do the whole bathroom thing and I'm estimating that we were on the trail head at 8 ish... Anyway, off we go and the trail was groomed, quite well I will say...We are seeing a lot of people and I guess it didn't dawn on me that all of these people are headed to the same spot we are. We did take some 'catch your breath' type breaks and one that we had a snack...all in all we kept going. When we got to the steep part we did have to go from trail marker to trail marker to catch our breath but not bad. We get to where the trail flattens out, take a few pictures and look at the last 250ft up...Actually that was the most fun, figuring out your own path and jumping from rock to rock. The top, was amazing...where you can see the whole world (at least it feels like that). The bummer, there was all the people up there plus many more that were going to the same place I was...At the top we saw this guy who was carrying a toddler on his back...He started heading down the same time we did...so we thought we should be able to keep up with him...Wow...you could tell this was not his first rodeo...I'm figuring 3 hours up a little over an hour down. Amazing how much easier going down is! The hike was great, the conversation and company was great...I just wish now I had more time to fit these in!

Next...The kids started school...And actually I have to start with Back to School night...I had been positive about this for weeks...The kids are going to meet their teachers, life is going to be great. I knew Tyler was very nervous about starting Kindergarten and having to be there ALL day, but I was hoping my positive vibes would out weigh his nervous attitude. Well that worked. We got to school, got his teaching assignment, that we already knew and life was great. Brooke, however, she was excited until she got her teaching assignment. Mr....I think her hearing stopped working after that. She looked at the paper dumb founded. We got to her class, she robotically (is that a word?)2 did her assigned tasks, we left to go to Tyler's class and immediate tears formed. I had to stop that because I had to get Tyler all settled in to his assigned tasks...Anyway, many tears and conversations later Brooke decides she can give it a try. Now, 3 days into school the kids are both so happy, they can't stop talking about things they did or how the teacher sets traps for them to fall into or how they meet new friends. Brooke loves the new teacher so far...the funny thing "Mom did you know in 3rd grade it is really hard to get SOAR slips but really easy to get warning cards?" That is the biggest of your worries? Tyler loves his teacher, Kindergarten etc etc...except "Mom, do you think next year you can sign me up for 1/2 days?" No buddy, I think your going to be stuck with the long days for awhile.

Brooke's other big dilemma...Girls are finding their 'sassy' attitudes. I'm not too sure I'm excited about this but knew it would happen sooner or later.

The first day of school she comes home and says "Mom, (friends name) was really sassy to me today, with her hand on her hip and sassy voice."

Me "So what did you do?"

Brooke: "Well you told me it's not nice to be sassy so I just walked away and found a different friend."
Thank God she is listening...Maybe I have another few months before she finds her sassiness. But I sure was hoping that these girls could all just stick together and be friendly to each other a little longer than now...but it will all work out...I just remember being a girl and mean and stuff...some things never change! Hopefully tomorrow they can all be friends!

I think that is all of my updates...It would be sad if only a week later I can't remember things that happened...

Running Georgetown!

I had the 'privledge' (I use that term loosely) of running and finishing the Georgetown to Idaho Springs 1/2 marathon this past weekend. The reason that I use the term privilege is because I finished under my own power...no EMT assistance needed. Unfortunately I can't say that for all of us runners. It was a hot, long, hilly run but in the end I finished with a smile on my face and able to run (hobble) another day and sometimes we have to use that as our goal. My new friend and author, John Bingham, told me through his article "Managing Great Expectations" that we need to remember the following. "What's clear is that preparation is the price of admission to the start line. You set a goal, you make a plan, you do your best. Through commitment, you earn your right to start. Every finish line is a gift. Every time you cross that finish line you can take pride in what you've accomplished. Every time. Not just the PR finishes. Every finish." You see I had to read this from a guy I have never met for it to finally hit home...My very supportive husband, my mom and friends all told me that I was doing great things. They aren't runners though, do they 'really' understand or are they just trying to be nice?  My runner friends understand my side as well...We set out at every race, sub consciously to set a PR. Unfortunately my average 10.40 min miles and 2.20 finish time did not set a PR. So I'll have to come back, try again! I also understand that we all have great runs and we all have hard runs. And sometimes what is supposed to be easy is murder and what is supposed to be hard is easy and we wonder if we did enough. That is the joy of running and many of the reasons that we keep going back!

On the positive side, Georgetown was a beautiful race, aside from the hills and the sun it was great. I would sign up again...I would train differently also! For the most part it was a very well organized race...

I can also tell my strength as an athlete is improving. It used to be after a long run, anything over 10 miles I would be spent for the day...But I had a full weekend in front of me...Sore muscles yes, nap wanted yes...However, I was able to run errands and attend parties well into the night.

Missing Brooke

This week I've been without Brooke...she went on a vacation with her Grammie and Papa! And I could totally be the mom that says that it was nice to have a little time to myself, nice to give Tyler some extra attention, nice to not have activities to run to...And although all of that was true it finally hit us (by us I mean Lou, Tyler and myself) last night that we miss Brooke, her fun, silly sometimes bold and brash behavior. We missed her crazy ideas, we missed her keeping Tyler busy, we missed the silly stories, the cuddles and maybe just the 'business' of the house. We missed the good night book reading and tucking her in and yes, making her bed. We missed taking her to dance and work and her music. I missed her demands and maybe even her lectures on how I need to be a better mom...

So come home Brooke...Don't worry, I'll let you go again, just next time you must take your brother, because he sure is lonely without you!

It is amazing how you can be busy, like really busy but then you still realize you would have lost that much more sleep just to have the kids around...not sure how I'll handle college...good thing I still have some years before dealing with that!

Running...

I'm asked...on a daily basis almost, why I'm so addicted to running, why I run, why do I 'hate' my body so much. I don't typically have a great answer...usually something to the effect that it gives me quiet time or it is much like therapy or I just need to keep moving. I read an article today that I totally identified with...ok, not all of it, but it explains a lot about my running addiction...

"I’ve learned that I associate running with my best self. When I go through a dry spell, not training, it indicates that the rest of my life is a little messy or worn down. Running strips away something like what Virginia Woolf called “the cotton wool of everyday life” so that there is nothing between my intimate insides and the air and light and landscape unfurling under my sneaker treads. It’s release through motion."

Basically saying that I'm truly myself when I'm running. Even when I struggle with a workout or have unknown pain I still am the best version of me and I strive to be that person more and more often. I want to be the best version of myself more that I want to be identified otherwise. I encourage people to come run with me...not sure if I want them to see the best version of themselves, or if I want them to witness the best version of me; it is probably a combination of both. So there it is...that is why I run!

"My husband teases me about my obsession with running: the blogs, the books, the GPS watch, the shoes, the fartleks, the ice bath, and the tapers. These are the trappings of a cultish devotion, a way to burrow deeper into an identity that I am breathlessly gleeful and grateful to claim: that of a runner."

I'm not sure I could have said this any better myself...People shake their heads at me when I say I'll just go for a run or I need a hill workout etc...or they joke that they will join me. They don't yet understand the 'cultish devotion' that keeps me coming back! They don't understand that the sore muscles and tight ligaments are a sort of badge of honor that I wear proudly. And that is why I keep going back...week after week, day after day.

So, yes, I could say it is the therapy and the quiet time away from everything and the hope and the challenge of running further and faster. And, yes, there is gratification and emotion when you finish a race for a few seconds the world is a fabulous place and meeting goals has its perks.

There you have it...that is why I run!

I've had a moment!

Yesterday, while listening to a well educated person speak (I know, I should have been doing something a little more constructive or productive) I had one of those moments! One of those light bulb type things where your world all of a sudden makes sense! This could get to be a little long winded as I explain the whole enlightening experience!

So, lets start with this friend. I have a friend who, I think, lacks confidence and questions her decisions on a daily basis. Always wondering if she is going to offend someone and is always looking for acceptance. I've tried to mention to her (as nicely as possible) that we are old enough that we need to be confident in our decisions and know ourselves well enough that if someone else is offended we weren't meant to be friends with them in the first place. After those pep talks went to a black hole I finally had decided that avoidance of the situation was warranted. Anytime said friend would call I would avoid it, Lou would answer or voicemail and if we were to see each other I would just cut the conversation short. After many pep talks from Lou I was told that I had to continue to help her along, after all there was a reason she was brought into my life...

Then as of recently  (and as I think everyone I come in contact with knows) I've recently ramped up my entries into races (yes running!) and challenges (yes again on foot) and I've done this all on my own (no one pushing me) and have yet to figure out the reasoning. So far since May I've done a 1/2 marathon, a 5K, the Tough Mudder and then I have at least 2 more 1/2 marathons and another 5K scheduled. I'm not sure why because I don't need more motivation to go to the gym (ok maybe this week but not normally) and I think I'm currently happy about my fitness level!

So bring me to this speech and it starts out saying 'everyone in this world is here for connection.' While I'm still asking myself why I'm taking the time for this. 'We all need connection with other people otherwise we have nothing. If we can't identify with another, can't compare notes or simply be able to have a relationship with another we have nothing.' Ok, so maybe I take this for granted. I've always had people I connect with, identify with, struggle with, have fun with...I have always had 'connections' and maybe I don't understand the feeling of not having this. The lady goes on 'Also, as people we are all vulnerable and it is how we deal with this vulnerability on how we as people continue to grow and have connections.' Let me explain what she goes on to say in my own words...There are two different people in this world. Those that feel worthy and know that they have a reason for people to love/like them and those that don't. There are those that are not afraid to take chances or make choices because in the end they know they are worthy of the outcome. There are those that can not jump out of the comfort zone because they don't feel like they are 'worthy.' This is where my mind wonders and I say to myself how sad for them to live so closed in because no one ever gave them the reassurance they needed to feel worthy. But back to my moment! She says that when people are faced with a vulnerable situation there are people that look at the situation and jump in head first and then the 'non worthy' people that turn and cower from it all. And sometimes these people take a situation of vulnerability and try to skim around it so many different ways that nothing is ever accomplished. So...immediately it jumps out at me! I'm finally confident enough in my choices, in my worthiness, that I'm not afraid to sign up for these races/challenges and find out the outcome and I'm not afraid of what the outcome might be! How exciting that it has only taken me 31 years to figure this out. Here all this time I thought maybe it was the validation I needed but in the end it is just that I'm not afraid of the outcome. Don't get me wrong, on the Tough Mudder there was some probing and stuff but in the end I went...Recently (or maybe not so recently) a friend told me not to be afraid to get older because you just grow more confidence and life becomes much more fun because you aren't worried about what other people think, or maybe you just don't care what other people think! How true this statement is!

For the other part of the 'moment' and probably the more important! There are people in this world that are not confident or don't feel worthy or don't face 'vulnerability' with the same grace and eagerness that I do and I need to respect those people. I need to learn to understand that those people need 'connections' just as much as I do and maybe they need a little probing along the way to show them that vulnerable situations aren't that bad! If you noticed I'm not blaming childhoods or previous experience or anything...everyone has their own journey through this world but we are all brought together for a reason and perhaps if we were all a little more knowledgeable about things then we wouldn't be so quick to run when people say or do something that we don't agree with! These people seem less confident and are always need reassurance and acceptance and maybe it is time that I learn to be the person accepting and reassuring!

So my moment...I guess in the end I feel better about my friend, that just needs the confidence that many of us posses all on our own...hopefully this will make me a better friend, better person, better parent. I'm not sure, but for that brief moment of clarity I did realize that we all struggle and it is alright to be the person helping instead of the one needing help!

4th of July

I don't have any great words...great thoughts or ideas or any running tribulations...

We had a great holiday with the kids. They enjoyed all the activities that we had planned which was very exciting considering the last week we had with them.

We (by we I mean they) went fishing...luckily they didn't catch anything...otherwise I'm afraid they wouldn't be so happy!

We (this time it really is we) decorated bikes for the annual parade!

They ate pie in a pie eating contest...Brooke : This tastes gross and I have to get my face dirty! Not impressed!

Tyler... He tried everything...driving the tractor...playing kickball, jumping in the jumping castle, swimming, biking, fishing...I'm a little nervous what this guy has in store for me in a few years.