My thoughts and others...

Being that I live such a busy scheduled lifestyle I rarely have time to watch tv. And when the television is on in our house 9 times out of 10 it is turned on to a Rockies game that my son ‘has’ to watch. I kind of like my ‘living under a rock lifestyle’ however, I guess I did miss out on the VMA’s. I honestly don’t really care about missing that, however, I can’t fully join in a conversation about the happenings on the VMA’s. Having said the giant disclaimer I’ve read enough headlines to know that Miley Cyrus made a spectacle of herself and sadly I can’t say I’m surprised. Disappointed, yes but not surprised. I’m sad that every girl out there who watched and loved Hannah Montana now can enjoy this spectacle of happenings. I’m sadder to say that I have a daughter that falls into that category.

I keep telling myself that I have spent her short 10 years shielding her from the big bad world of women selling themselves short and in just one summer that can all be dashed away. Brooke hasn’t mentioned the whole thing and I honestly hope that she is still too young and innocent to care about it, however, when we went to Vegas over the summer and she did see far too much she did say something and her something was far from approval. I guess I should be proud of that

None the less one mom did go on a small rant on her own blog and I feel the need to share her thoughts also.

Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you.

Yes, this is what happens when you constantly hear everything you do is awesome. This is what happens when people fawn over your every Tweet and Instagram photo. This is what happens when no responsible adult has ever said the word “no,” made you change your clothes before leaving the house, or never spanked your butt for deliberate defiance.

If you ever even consider doing something like that, I promise you that I will run up and twerk so you will see how ridiculous twerking looks. I will duct tape your mouth shut so your tongue doesn’t hangout like an overheated hound dog. I will smack any male whom you decide to smash against his pelvis – after I first knock you on your butt for forgetting how a lady acts in public.

Why would I do that? Because I love you and I want you to respect yourself. Miley Cyrus is not edgy or cool or sexy. She’s a desperate girl screaming for attention: Notice me. Tell me I’m pretty. See how hot I am. I know all the guys want me. All the girls want to be me.

You probably know girls who will emulate this behavior at the next school dance. Don’t do it with them. You are far too valuable to sell yourself so cheaply. Walk away. Let the boys gawk and know in your heart that they see only a body that can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten.

I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt sad because I haven’t gushed over everything you’ve done. My role is to praise when praise is due, but also to offer constructive criticism and correction when it is needed as well. I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt demoralized because your Instagram following isn’t in the thousands, and I’m sorry those “selfies” can never capture how amazingly beautiful you truly are. I’m sorry if you’ve ever wished you had a friend instead of a mom, and I promise you that I will probably get worse when you hit high school.

Dear daughter, I am going to fight or die trying to keep you from becoming like the Miley Cyruses of the world.

You can thank me later.

It’s perfectly okay to disagree with me. Prove your point with facts, and I’ll consider your argument. I conceded to those who raised good points I may not have initially agreed with, and I appreciate you gave me something to think about. That’s what conversation and debate is all about. Open-mindedness. Respectful interaction.

Dear Haters
Here’s what’s not okay: wishing ill on a child. The desire that my daughter gets knocked up by age 15? Brilliant. Ideas about her sexual activities with a football team? Thought-provoking. You get the full wrath of every Mama Bear on the planet for this one. The whole idea of my post is that our girls are beautiful and valuable, and they shouldn’t cheapen themselves. Is there really a problem with this message?

Here’s another thing that’s not okay: F-bombs. Vulgarity is no excuse for a lack of a thesaurus. Yeah, I get that you’re passionate about allowing pre-teen girls to express their sexuality, but pick another adjective. Coincidentally, f is also the first letter of “facetious.” It means “not serious” or “in jest.” As in, I was being facetious when talking about duct taping my child’s head. Give me some credit. I unconditionally love my kids and would never hurt them. I would go total ninja on anyone who did. Besides, they’ve used all the duct tape to make wallets and purses.

Why Do We Do This to Our Girls?
My daughter and I have talked about this topic many times before Miley made sports fans afraid to bring Number One props to football games. She gets it, but it doesn’t hurt to remind her (and thousands like her) that she is an amazing and valuable person whose worth is not dictated by her body or willingness to titillate. The VMAs brought a rush of maternal emotion to the surface. Was it harsh to single Miley out? Yes, but my daughter doesn’t have the same connection to the other performers. As a mom, my heart breaks for Miley and the countless girls who feel like they need to do these shocking things to be relevant or important or loved. I want to hug Miley and tell her she is too precious to allow handlers to mold her into this caricature of womanhood. I would love to have a time machine to take her 20 years into the future so she can see with the benefit of hindsight.

Those of you who do not have daughters will never truly understand what it’s like to see that beautiful baby grow up and be constantly demoralized by a society that picks her apart. Oh my goodness, they are perfect! Ask a group of junior high girls what they think of themselves and you’ll hear, “I’m too fat,” “I’m not pretty,” “Everyone else has a boyfriend,” “I’m the only virgin,” or “Why doesn’t anybody like me?” Why do they feel this way? Because we as adults support a freakin’ culture that tells them that thin is sexy, that ugly girls are worthless, that there is something wrong with you if you don’t have a partner, virginity is a disease, and we don’t love you enough to spend time with you. No wonder these girls do whatever it takes to get someone – anyone- to notice them.

Girls, based on my blog, you have more than 2.5 million people who have noticed you and want to lift you up so you can live a great life. Learn from us old ladies who made mistakes. Here’s what we’ve learned:

1.       It’s okay to be a lady. Really.

2.      You will experience a broken heart. Most guys will be distraught about losing you, but a select few will be complete jackasses who don’t give a damn. Listen to your friends. If they say the guy is trouble, stay away.

3.      Men are not your enemy, nor are they your toys. Yes, each boy or man you meet has feelings, hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes and more. Treat him with respect.

4.      Love and respect yourself. Look at yourself. What’s not to love? You are a beautiful and unique creature, and there is no one like you anywhere else in the world. I know there are times when it seems like there is no one out there for you, but be patient. Friends and boyfriends arrive when the time is right. There are people out there who NEED to know you, people whose lives would be better if they spent just five minutes with you. Know that about yourself. You are infinitely lovable. You are infinitely valuable. Never sell yourself short.

5.       You will never make everybody happy, and some people are going to dislike because you may think differently or you just happen to breathe air. That’s the lesson this old lady had to re-learn this week.