Yesterday, while listening to a well educated person speak (I know, I should have been doing something a little more constructive or productive) I had one of those moments! One of those light bulb type things where your world all of a sudden makes sense! This could get to be a little long winded as I explain the whole enlightening experience!
So, lets start with this friend. I have a friend who, I think, lacks confidence and questions her decisions on a daily basis. Always wondering if she is going to offend someone and is always looking for acceptance. I've tried to mention to her (as nicely as possible) that we are old enough that we need to be confident in our decisions and know ourselves well enough that if someone else is offended we weren't meant to be friends with them in the first place. After those pep talks went to a black hole I finally had decided that avoidance of the situation was warranted. Anytime said friend would call I would avoid it, Lou would answer or voicemail and if we were to see each other I would just cut the conversation short. After many pep talks from Lou I was told that I had to continue to help her along, after all there was a reason she was brought into my life...
Then as of recently (and as I think everyone I come in contact with knows) I've recently ramped up my entries into races (yes running!) and challenges (yes again on foot) and I've done this all on my own (no one pushing me) and have yet to figure out the reasoning. So far since May I've done a 1/2 marathon, a 5K, the Tough Mudder and then I have at least 2 more 1/2 marathons and another 5K scheduled. I'm not sure why because I don't need more motivation to go to the gym (ok maybe this week but not normally) and I think I'm currently happy about my fitness level!
So bring me to this speech and it starts out saying 'everyone in this world is here for connection.' While I'm still asking myself why I'm taking the time for this. 'We all need connection with other people otherwise we have nothing. If we can't identify with another, can't compare notes or simply be able to have a relationship with another we have nothing.' Ok, so maybe I take this for granted. I've always had people I connect with, identify with, struggle with, have fun with...I have always had 'connections' and maybe I don't understand the feeling of not having this. The lady goes on 'Also, as people we are all vulnerable and it is how we deal with this vulnerability on how we as people continue to grow and have connections.' Let me explain what she goes on to say in my own words...There are two different people in this world. Those that feel worthy and know that they have a reason for people to love/like them and those that don't. There are those that are not afraid to take chances or make choices because in the end they know they are worthy of the outcome. There are those that can not jump out of the comfort zone because they don't feel like they are 'worthy.' This is where my mind wonders and I say to myself how sad for them to live so closed in because no one ever gave them the reassurance they needed to feel worthy. But back to my moment! She says that when people are faced with a vulnerable situation there are people that look at the situation and jump in head first and then the 'non worthy' people that turn and cower from it all. And sometimes these people take a situation of vulnerability and try to skim around it so many different ways that nothing is ever accomplished. So...immediately it jumps out at me! I'm finally confident enough in my choices, in my worthiness, that I'm not afraid to sign up for these races/challenges and find out the outcome and I'm not afraid of what the outcome might be! How exciting that it has only taken me 31 years to figure this out. Here all this time I thought maybe it was the validation I needed but in the end it is just that I'm not afraid of the outcome. Don't get me wrong, on the Tough Mudder there was some probing and stuff but in the end I went...Recently (or maybe not so recently) a friend told me not to be afraid to get older because you just grow more confidence and life becomes much more fun because you aren't worried about what other people think, or maybe you just don't care what other people think! How true this statement is!
For the other part of the 'moment' and probably the more important! There are people in this world that are not confident or don't feel worthy or don't face 'vulnerability' with the same grace and eagerness that I do and I need to respect those people. I need to learn to understand that those people need 'connections' just as much as I do and maybe they need a little probing along the way to show them that vulnerable situations aren't that bad! If you noticed I'm not blaming childhoods or previous experience or anything...everyone has their own journey through this world but we are all brought together for a reason and perhaps if we were all a little more knowledgeable about things then we wouldn't be so quick to run when people say or do something that we don't agree with! These people seem less confident and are always need reassurance and acceptance and maybe it is time that I learn to be the person accepting and reassuring!
So my moment...I guess in the end I feel better about my friend, that just needs the confidence that many of us posses all on our own...hopefully this will make me a better friend, better person, better parent. I'm not sure, but for that brief moment of clarity I did realize that we all struggle and it is alright to be the person helping instead of the one needing help!
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