I guess you could call these weekly updates?!

I'm sure that everyone has been wondering if my lazy feeling has gone away...You know that one I complained about in my last post...Well you will be happy to know that it is gone. All of my muscles are properly sore again. And as I sit here I wonder if this is my new 'normal.' You know to have constant sore muscles. I have gotten to the point where the pain is just a dull ache to let me know it is there and then if you stand up too fast or move the wrong way it very gently reminds you in the most earth shattering feeling ever. At least the pain isn't so bad that I have to act like Brooke and pick my legs up with my hands to get up the stairs.

Also wondering if my new normal is to constantly over schedule myself. Ok, maybe over schedule is a bit exaggerated. Maybe just scheduled down to the minute. For example, last Saturday I had an 8 a.m appointment, followed by a thing for Tyler at noon, (oh and I had to make cupcakes and cookies sometime in there) followed by a birthday party for Brooke that was scheduled at 2. I also had plans of cleaning the house, having Lou mow the yard etc etc so we could help with another project at my parents house. Needless to say I didn't get everything done and my parents didn't get any help from me. Then Tuesday my day consisted of a 4:36 wake up call, gym, work, Brooke having 2 soccer games and a track workout. I didn't think about drive times, so needless to say I was a little late...and I hate being late...Anyway, it all worked out and I survived to do it all again today...

As for my track work...I'm hoping that when I start going weekly again this will get easier, but oh my goodness...Last night was tough...Not great times for me, but great motivation! 

Lazy Week...

Well, after missing 2 workouts this week, I'm feeling super lazy. Which I guess is a little bit out of control. After all, for weeks (ok more like months) I've done long runs on Sundays, track workouts on Tuesdays and gym workouts Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday mornings along with a few other 'shorter runs'...After running Colfax my legs have felt weak and frankly taken too long to heal...So I decided, since we were 'between sessions' I would try out trail running. I had a fabulous time, never having done this type of running I learned an amazing amount, while the world was showing me how 'not in shape' for that kind of running I really am. So I did it again on Monday (maybe that wasn't the best idea, but I'm a runner) and had a great time (snake and all). So I'll be doing that again...however, I woke up with really, really sore ankles and foot...I made it to the gym on Tuesday but struggled through the workout...skipped the track session (super guilty about that one). Went to the gym on Wednesday and then I haven't done anything since. My philosophy...I need to rest up before the session starts on Sunday...oh yeah...and Lori (my coach) told me I'm not a beginner... Or maybe I just know that this is the time that I need to rest because summer has it out for me. Either way...I hope the lazy feeling goes away soon!

Running Colfax!

So just last night I was running with the club and talking about various things. One of blogging. So they are saying they blog about running etc. I started thinking, all I blog about are my kids and some inner thoughts I have while driving or showering. Why aren't I blogging about running too? I mean I have my issues right? So here goes.

On Sunday I ran the Colfax 1/2 marathon in the cold and the rain which was actually very fitting as the whole training session has been about the cold and the wind and the snow and the ice. I'm pretty sure that the only training we had in nice weather was Mother's day, five miles. I'm not complaining, just setting the stage. I finished the half marathon in 2 hours 11 min (officially) which works out to 10.02 min miles. I had severe foot pain that I ran through that finally went numb (I think my 4th toe is still swollen from it) and the beginnings of knee pain. I had moments that I thought I could run faster, moments that I thought my foot would just be better if it would fall off, moments of clarity that I belonged there at that time and place running; but never did I have a moment that asked why I was doing this, or why would I endure such torture on purpose. Which is a great moment. And when I finally reached the finish line (which was a great moment that I will explain) I did feel like I could go farther, which maybe means I didn't run fast enough or maybe it was just an emotional rush. But there were not any thoughts of 'OMG I finally finished, or that was the longest race ever." All of which are thoughts I have had before in other races. In fact just last October I told myself, during the 8 mile leg of the relay that I'm never doing this again!

And through all of this I've learned there is a mind game, a journey that begins every time you start running, no matter the distance. Whether the game is I only have 5 more miles then 4, then 3 etc, or you only have to run in the wind for a 5 more min...there is a game every time. Usually during this game you have the "I just started, this and I feel great," then you usually have many random thoughts you don't remember, and then you start the "when am I gonna be done with this deal." When you learn to go through the game then you have made running that much easier. Some other things that have made running easier...confidence, knowing you have traveled that distance before, support whether it is family that don't truly understand or fellow runners that have worked with you for months in the crappy weather. Someone waiting for you at the end because then you think "I can't stop now because they will have to wait longer". And one more thing that makes these runs easier...the pure pride and acceleration of emotions when you finish makes it all worth it. The pure joy that muddles all the pain and make the negative thoughts disappear, that feeling all on its own make all the months or torture and training and mind games worth it.

So those are my running thoughts as of recently. I'm still struggling with not making my 2 hour time goal, but I am proud to say that I took 36 min off my last time. And that is whey I sign up for more. Maybe next time I can get a few extra runs in or whatever to make that 'journey' that much easier!

Spring...

As I look at my blog and see pictures of my adorable kids from last year I wonder...where did it all go? All that time? Did I live each day? Did I try new things? Am I happy? And you know the funny thing is that you can say that you live for your kids, or you do things for work or your house or whatever, but as I look back I realize that yes, I did do things for the kids but somewhere I had some minor satisfaction! Brooke will be making her First Communion tomorrow. I'm very proud of her achievements, but this one was a bit of a struggle...not for her, mind you...For me and her dad...You see, it was just one more place that she had to be by a certain time and with our hectic schedule it was crazy! But she made it! And so did we! And now that it is finished I guess there was some selfishness in having Brooke attend those classes. I can't describe why or what the root was...maybe just to prove to ourselves that we can survive this crazy schedule; I'm not sure...But then my rambled thoughts go to if I'm really happy. Is this crazy life and schedule that I'm living allowing me to be happy? Or do I just go through the motions everyday. Am I moving from one task to the next to make sure that someone else is taken care of? Or like Bon Jovi mentions in some of his songs...'everybody's broken.' Are we all broken in some way and the form of brokeness (is that really a word?) has caused us pain and depression. Do we cover up our form of brokeness with duties, places to be, people to see, tasks to be accomplished? Is everyone 'hiding' behind their schedule because they don't want to face the real situations, the real questions? Or maybe we live this life now because we think if we accomplish this all now that down the road life will be better, be different. I'm thinking that I need to live in the now...Live for the present because no one knows when 'better' is supposed to be here or if it will be here. So I guess that would mean that I need to make some changes...

In the end of all my reflection I'm not sure if I'll make changes or not, if I'll figure out if I'm really happy or if I'm broken and hiding...but at least I know that I have questions that eventually I'll be able to answer.

Quotes

Tyler has had some great quotes lately and I know that if I don't write them down I won't remember them!

While talking to my mom about Brooke's recent crises of me not being able to go on a field trip with her...

Me -- "So Brooke just doesn't know what to do without me there."
Tyler -- "She is going to have sit on the bus next to her friends instead of next to her mom, just like I'm gonna do!"

The wisdom of a 4 year old!

While talking to Louis over dinner...

Tyler -- "I know lots of things dad."
Louis --" Oh yeah, like what?"
Tyler -- "I know everything about cars, because I've watched my papa and uncle Chad."
Louis -- "Oh yeah, everything huh?"
Tyler -- "Yeah, everything because my papa is smart. And tractors too, I know lots about tractors."

Louis couldn't help but laugh!

On his recent struggle with going to Kindergarten...

Mom --"So Tyler, we are going to meet with Mrs. Clapes as soon as dad gets here."
Tyler -- "Lets just let dad meet with Mrs. Clapes and you and I can go home, deal?"
Mom-- "No, you and I are going to go in also and see the classroom."
Tyler -- "I bet it looks just like my classroom with Mrs. Vicki, I'm good, lets go."

Just FYI, we are still struggling a little with that situation but it is getting better!

sick...

So, I'm going on week number 2 of feeling crappy. Frustration has set in because I have a million things to do and no motivation in which to accomplish it. I can't sleep because of the pain. Work drags on for years. My workouts have been non existent (which is making me even more frustrated). Now I fully understand how Brooke felt a few weeks ago when she was complaining. I pushed her and she was happy that I did but now I feel like a sub par mom, I should have just let her stay home and relax. Not that I'm at home mind you!

I know the world is trying to teach me a lesson...let me just mention that it doesn't need to be quite so mean. I'm listening, world...now can you give me a break? Please? I'm begging!

Disturbing...

About once a week I find a few minutes to read a magazine, book etc. Usually I find great things to read that either teach me or inspire me. Sometimes I read silly things like People and tend to realize how normal my life really is and occasionally I read something that is really disturbing. Well today, I found my 10 minutes and was reading People and the article was about this lady who had teenage kids 13 and 16. She shot the kids twice in the head killing both of the them because (and I quote) " they talked back, they were mouthy and she was tired of it." She shot the boy after she drove him home from soccer practice and the girl while she was doing her homework. Are you kidding me? Please tell me what 13 and 16 year child is not mouthy or pushing their limits? I can't even find words to express my total disgust at this woman. Meanwhile, the dad / husband is 1/2 world away, working. Enough of the details. What kills me, is that there are so many people out there who can't have children, who have issues with kids not making it because of a disease or car accident etc. And the anguish of these people is amazing...to the point that I could not even imagine it. Yet here is this woman who can't figure out how to just walk away and count to 10, she buys a gun for the sole purpose of killing her children.

I know, I have said I would sell my children, drop them off at the fire station, trade them in for a new model etc. But I have never meant it, for more than 5 minutes.

When I was talking to someone and told them this story the response I got was..."That just goes to show that there are some crazy people out there." I'm sorry...this is so far past crazy the two aren't even in the same zip code. At least they put the lady in jail with no bail...but seriously...