Spring...

As I look at my blog and see pictures of my adorable kids from last year I wonder...where did it all go? All that time? Did I live each day? Did I try new things? Am I happy? And you know the funny thing is that you can say that you live for your kids, or you do things for work or your house or whatever, but as I look back I realize that yes, I did do things for the kids but somewhere I had some minor satisfaction! Brooke will be making her First Communion tomorrow. I'm very proud of her achievements, but this one was a bit of a struggle...not for her, mind you...For me and her dad...You see, it was just one more place that she had to be by a certain time and with our hectic schedule it was crazy! But she made it! And so did we! And now that it is finished I guess there was some selfishness in having Brooke attend those classes. I can't describe why or what the root was...maybe just to prove to ourselves that we can survive this crazy schedule; I'm not sure...But then my rambled thoughts go to if I'm really happy. Is this crazy life and schedule that I'm living allowing me to be happy? Or do I just go through the motions everyday. Am I moving from one task to the next to make sure that someone else is taken care of? Or like Bon Jovi mentions in some of his songs...'everybody's broken.' Are we all broken in some way and the form of brokeness (is that really a word?) has caused us pain and depression. Do we cover up our form of brokeness with duties, places to be, people to see, tasks to be accomplished? Is everyone 'hiding' behind their schedule because they don't want to face the real situations, the real questions? Or maybe we live this life now because we think if we accomplish this all now that down the road life will be better, be different. I'm thinking that I need to live in the now...Live for the present because no one knows when 'better' is supposed to be here or if it will be here. So I guess that would mean that I need to make some changes...

In the end of all my reflection I'm not sure if I'll make changes or not, if I'll figure out if I'm really happy or if I'm broken and hiding...but at least I know that I have questions that eventually I'll be able to answer.