Bolder Boulder

So, a few months ago someone came to me and asked me to train them for the Bolder Boulder. Of course I agreed because I'm a complete sucker for anyone new person that wants to start running. Life ended up getting in her way but I had already signed up for the race. I cursed ... probably cried ... hated / despised it ... and I actually probably didn't 'worry' about my training because I have always had a bad taste concerning this race. Perhaps that is a fabulous plan.

I totally despised this race purely because of logistics. Getting in and out of Boulder is tough on a good day, let alone a day when 60,000 other people are going there also. The park and ride idea is great except that I didn't want to spend the $8 round trip ticket. The start line and finish line are not in the same spot and that is kind of a killer also, especially when you don't know the town. I also really don't enjoy big races because there is this fine line between weaving in and out of people and lack of courtesy and such. Also, every other time I have run this race, the weather has been super crappy, cold and raining. Who even likes to run in that?

Well what ended up happening is that I didn't worry about the race, I just had a 'no big deal' attitude about the whole thing, go with the flow...whatever happens ... happens. A friend told me she would get me to the race. We would park and have real bathrooms and everything would be great. And  guess what? That is exactly what happened. She drove us into Boulder (and funny, we hit the city limits and I was immediately lost) we parked, walked to a real bathroom and then walked 1/2 block to the start line. The really nice thing about the Bolder Boulder is you can choose to get into a 'qualified' wave ... or you can start later in the day. For the first time in my life I was put into a wave that totally paced me exceptionally well. I didn't have to weave and crowd and have a hard time ... I just ran. And maybe to say I ran comfortable is a bit of a stretch, but I felt good the whole race. I never hated it, or wondered what the heck I was doing. I enjoyed all of the bands, dance teams, radio stations etc along the side of the road. I enjoyed the guy handing out Doritos and jello shots and the slip and slides. I guess, however, that I missed out on the cupcakes and bacon and cotton candy. I guess my wave was a little too early for the college kids. I enjoyed the hills (however demented that sounds) I enjoyed the downhills and I really enjoyed finishing on a track type environment (and I thank every single one of those track workouts that I did before the race) ...

The outcome of all of this, besides the fact that I enjoyed the race, myself and the friends I was with ... I had a Personal best time of 54:15 ... not exactly what I was aiming for in my 10K ... but almost 2 min better than my last 10K and on a difficult course. I'm at the point where I will take it and be happy. And I hate to say this but thinking I could possibly sign up again next year without cringing.

Our busy spring

How many times have I told myself that I would be better about blogging and keeping this 'journal' so that I could remember more things? Far too many, so lets just say I won't be better, I will try to blog and I will do it as often as I can.

Now for all of those moments in my crazy life that I have said I should write a blog post about that and of course now that I have a few minutes I can't remember what they were... So I'll go with what our life has been lately ... Lou has been coaching Tyler's soccer team and every one (except me) knows that when Lou signs up for something he sign both of us up... So that has been a little difficult to fit in. But in the end the team played great. There are a great group of kids and parents on the team which also made the season fun.

 

I also, in the same 'season' helped coach a "Girls on The Run" team. I did this, not with any of my own kids on the team, but to see what the program was all about. The program is fantastic, they have a very specific curriculum and it is very easy to follow. Some of the girls were a bit challenging to get to know but in the end it was a very good experience. I do, however, need to figure out how to manage my time a little better.

 

 

Tyler made his first communion. That was a little bit difficult figuring out how to get him to the church every week for his lessons but in the end we are glad we had it all done.

 

 

 

 

And Brooke and Tyler had a piano recital. I love the piano recitals. It brings back music that I learned or still have to learn. I love listening to the kids play and I love the see the growth out of everyone.

 

And finally, Brooke had a dance competition... She had to struggle a little with this one as she had sprained her ankle in rehearsals the week before the competition. However, I told her to go and have fun, that is why we are here. And she did ... And she got first place and her first platinum score for her solo. I couldn't be more proud of her and all of her hard work.

 

 

 

So now, that church, soccer and Girls on the Run is over I can actually have a little time for me. It is somewhat amazing and I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself.

 

 

Tutor needed!

As I do after any time that I go through a particular stressful or eventful time, I try to process the situation and think about what lesson I should be learning or what can I take from this to help me in the future. Starting last Monday I have had a crazy stress filled week -- Tyler was sick, throwing up -- so I stayed home with him, stressed that I'm not at work, getting things done. Tuesday after work I had to Coach for Girls on the Run and then Tyler had church classes (wasn't sure how I was going to get him there) and luckily Brooke's dance was cancelled as was Tyler's soccer practice. Wednesday I had to leave work early again for a food study that I got myself into. And then there was Accountability and PTA and piano (my first 1/2 of lesson in over 20 years -- and yes I've been practicing!) and dance. Thursday was coaching again, then dance rehearsal, then soccer practice, then a dinner date. Friday was dance competition until late, Saturday was dance competition until late and then an early early morning Sunday at the dance competition until late again. Oh yeah, then there was Brooke's birthday in there and how do you let an 11 year old go unnoticed?

 

This is her dance costume in the dance that is dedicated to all the victims from the Colorado Floods

 

 

Brooke and her friend Ciara ..

 

 

Her Birthday cake!

 

 

Since we were at competition all weekend ... we had to celebrate there ... there is a tiny smile from her, which actually says a lot!

 

 

Stretching before her solo!

Since it was her birthday she convinced some of her friends to come watch her! I think that may have made her day!

 

 

And exhaustion has set in!

 

I'm not sure I know what the lesson is that I'm supposed to learn, or why I put so much stress on myself... But hopefully I can figure out a little rest for this week and figure out how to schedule a little better for next time. Or maybe Lou and I are going to learn to have to say the word "no." We may need to invest in a tutor to teach us that. 

 

 

 

If you really, really knew me ...

If you really, really knew me you would know that I struggle immensely with the battle of trying to be perfect. Yes, I know that I try on an almost daily basis to convince Brooke that she doesn't need to be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has bad days, everyone messes up and it is ok, its how we learn and grow and move forward as humans. Why, then is it so difficult to forgive those silly mistakes and move forward? And in my quest to make up for those mistakes I have formed this person that does too much. Too much to the point that there is nothing left for me. And is this new person really making up for past mistakes or just making myself a stressed out human? And sometimes I say that I do these things for the kids, but am I really? Especially when my own kids aren't even there to benefit. And how in the world do I expect to 'make a better place for the kids' when I don't even know what a better place looks/feel like?

Most people know that I volunteer a lot, at school, at the dance studio, with soccer, running clubs, working with young girls and the list goes on. I also work, full time (or try to) and try to be a fantastic mom and wife. And I guess I should re-evaluate, why do I think I need to be fantastic? Wouldn't great be fine also?

And I guess the bigger question is do the kids really want me to do this much stuff or do I do it out of obligation? And what is that obligation exactly? And is all of this stemming from me just needing a pity party for myself?

I guess we all have those days where we don't want to be the strong ones anymore, we don't want to keep trying when everyone else just gives up and maybe "a good sleep and a long laugh" will fix me. Maybe after I get through yet another crazy weekend I can figure life out?

These questions were raised by a blogger named Rachel who wrote about being asked this same question and how it brought her clarity to finally speak it out loud. Was she fixed? Not really, but she was reminded that clarity and forgiveness can only really happen when you admit what is bothering you. So here I am, fellow human. I'm admitting that I have issues and I'm putting pen to paper (or keyboard to screen) and searching for the inner clarity to allow me to continue for at least a few more months...

Competiton Season Starts This Weekend...

Brooke has her first competition of the season this weekend. Lou and I have been busy helping at the studio with props, costumes, cleaning dances (what little help I am with that) organizing backstage, makeup etc...The list is endless really... Brooke is performing her first solo this year and I can't really put into words how I'm feeling about the whole situation. Brooke is so excited/nervous/happy and I just don't want to be that mom that stresses her out. I've made arrangements with another mom to be back there with her so I can watch, but honestly, I don't know if I can. Every time I think about her performing I start to tear up...I don't know if it is because the amount of 'pride' I feel for how amazing she is overwhelms me, or if I'm just so nervous for her. Lou tells me that I'm crazy...but maybe it is just because I'm a mom...All the other parents (who have kids that have performed before) have told me they sit in the audience and cry like a baby with the first one...then after that it is old hat. I hope they are right...I'm not sure I can do this every competition...

 

Since August (when Brooke started working on this dance) she has done amazing at

 perfecting each move, struggling with strength and balance and even flexibility and I'm so happy to see how far she has come. There are days when she feels as if she has made no progress and it still feels like she is struggling...but watching her improve has been fascinating.

So I guess we can be sure that I'll be 'that' mom crying in the audience (don't worry I'll do my best to hide it from Brooke) but I'll also be her biggest fan...That one that tells her how great she does even if she misses a landing or a step or smile or whatever.

I read a post today that was "16 Things We Forget To Thank Our Moms For" Here is the link (http://thoughtcatalog.com/kate-bailey/2014/02/16-things-we-forget-to-thank-our-moms-for/) It should also say Dad's...but regardless it reminded me that while our kids don't necessarily understand everything we are doing for them now...they will. The may never, ever tell us what we meant to them, but deep down we know if we are great parents or not. I guess at the end of the day, my kids can 'Thank' me for what is on that list because I was/am that mom and that also makes all the tears that I will shed totally worth it. 

Kauai 2014

The best thing about coming home from Kauai (trust me, I had to think for a long time about this) was that it was not 5 degrees when our plane landed. I told you I struggled to come up with something positive.

 

 

The miniature golf place was also a plantation of sorts that gave a ton of history of the islands and their formation. Brooke actually needed this for some of her make up homework. And anyone doubted I could turn a vacation into a learning experience.

 

In my opinion Kauai is a little piece of heaven on Earth. The lush green plants every where, the waterfalls, the hikes and mountains and ocean and beaches all so close together filled with a very laid back community makes this place amazing. I keep saying I'm moving there, however the opportunity has yet to present itself.

 

The last time we went to Kauai a few years ago, we wanted to see everything. We drove a crazy amount to make that possible. Before we even left this time I vowed not to be in the car that long. We stayed on the north side of the Island and we hiked, kayaked, played miniature golf, hiked more, played at the beach and let the kids play at the pool. Outside of our condo was a golf course, I decided running on the trail there (although frowned upon by locals I'm sure) would be fabulous. Miles and miles of trails that no one is using early in the morning.

 

This was at the bottom of our first hike, It is called Queensbath. Locals believe that it is very dangerous trail to get to and when the tide is high the waves can be scary. Therefor they had signs everywhere. Brooke and Tyler loved the hike, the scenery, everything. Just an FYI... Tyler was there the whole time, just so far ahead of me that I didn't capture any pictures of the boy. So apparently Brooke is all you get to see.

 

One of the waterfalls along the trail.

 

 

Another one. Amazing scenery!

 

 

 

This is the little shack where we rented Kayaks. The guy told us to go until we saw turtles, it will be worth it, he said...7 miles later I'm not so sure that my white skin and very weak shoulder muscles thought it was worth it. It was though, all my sarcastic comments aside, the river banks were beautiful.

 

 

The river that we kayaked meets the ocean. Brooke said she was going to jump out of the kayak if I even thought about going out into the ocean. I guess all my hope from last year that some of her fears had subsided were a little premature.

 

 

The fish that the kids fed every morning. I'm telling you, the mouths of these fish were so big they could have taken my foot off.

 

 

A friendly goat that the kids liked to feed. He must have had braces, his teeth were so straight.

 

Brooke made her own fresh flower lei...It was way more fun to make it than actually wear it.

 

 

Yes, there is a rum distillery. Yes, I found it. Would you expect any different from me? They taught me how to make the cutest Mai Tai ever!

 

 

Our first morning there. We were so happy to be away from the cold!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Final thoughts on the running streak

So I did it! 36 days of running everyday. The shortest mileage I did was a 1.6 mile loop close to the house and I probably did that 1 time per week. My longest was 8-9 miles and I think I did that also about once a week. My weekly mileage increased every week from when I started and overall I ran over 140 miles. For some that doesn't sound like much but for me that is a lot. Whoever told me that I would have sore spots was right... until I had my first rest day yesterday. I think they are just phantom aches and pains. I did not race on the last day. I don't know if I should have or not but I mentally wasn't up for it. A friend that did the streak with me did the race and had a killer time...so I'm thinking we are stronger than we were.

My next race is the Yeti Chase 10K so I guess I'll find out then if I'm stronger or not. I'm headed to warmer climates tomorrow...and I'm so excited to run at sea level again. I'm not saying I'll start another streak, but perhaps an every other day deal. I'm happy to not have the pressure on me to run but I'm sad that I missed a day now. Funny how this runners brain works.

By the way... I wish I was as big of a deal as that couple that ran a marathon everyday in 2013 ... those people are crazy... And I complained about a measly 36 days. 

Oh by the way, Christmas was good. My kids were super excited with what Santa brought them and it was nice to spend some family time together. I did however, get the day bug and ended up staying home on Christmas night. New Years was fun also. It was great to hang out with some friends we hadn't seen in awhile.